To have good neighbours

be a good neighbour.

I haven’t always had great neighbours. But that might be because I wasn’t always a great neighbour myself. This note from 2018 is hard evidence of both, I think:

Love that “thx” at the end.

But since moving into our flat in late 2021 and experiencing what I would call excellent neighbourly ties, I’ve become quite passionate about nurturing this very particular kind of relationship.

After we arrived, it didn’t take long for us to bump into the first of our seven neighbours. Her name was E*, she was very sweet, American, and worked in publishing. E lives in the flat directly above us with her equally sweet boyfriend C (engineer, English) and their energetic cat, Linus. I can actually hear them walking around above me right now. 

As she welcomed us to the building, she took our numbers and added us to the house WhatsApp group. Of all the steps in neighbourly relations, getting into the WhatsApp group has proven to be one of the most important. 

First of all, it’s an invaluable source of ironing boards and step ladders and extra forks. But secondly, and rather more importantly, it facilitates bigger gestures that bring you closer together as sharers of the same front door (or street or neighbourhood). 

Since moving in, we have borrowed and lent all manner of things, looked after Linus, had our plants watered for a month and homemade cookies left on our kitchen bench (thanks, R), signed for packages and had packages of our own signed for too. We’ve shared books and recipes and extra chutney made from the tomatoes in the garden and had parties where K and P from flat B were the very last to leave.

This is the day K and P stayed till 2 am.

Having this relationship with my neighbours is part of what makes me love where I live so much. We’re not best friends, we have very clear boundaries in the form of walls and doors, but we all know that if we need a favour or a hand, someone will be there to help. 

Last week, I put a poll on Instagram and was happy to see that a few responders have an equally pleasant rapport with their own neighbours — big yes for impromptu drinks and bringing each other’s bins in! But these were rare gems. 

‘Hell’, ‘tenuous’, ‘non-existent’, and ‘heavily judgmental’ also came up. ‘Classic London, we don’t interact at all’ said another friend. To whom I say — and this is coming from a previously not great neighbour — the key to having good neighbours is being a good neighbour. Introduce yourself! Leave out some treats! Invite them over if you’re having a party! Or at least pre-warn them about the loud music and bad singing.

And if your neighbours genuinely are just crap, extend your definition of the word. Learn the name of the person who makes your coffee in the morning. Or the guy behind the till at your corner shop. Or the person pulling your beers at the pub down the road. You don’t have to be best mates, but collecting familiar faces really does strengthen your ties to a place. And who knows — it might be the start of a beautiful friendship!

See you in two weeks,

Annabel x

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*For privacy reasons, I’ve just used initials. Apart from Linus because I don’t think cats care about privacy.

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