Home is where you hang your hat.
On belongings as belonging.
In my 28 years, I’ve lived in over 25 houses across 6 countries. And with a few exceptions — like my fourth-year flat where the kitchen was always filthy and my wretched housemate kept stealing my shampoo — they have all had a distinct sense of home.
As a kid, it never really mattered if we were in Canberra or Hanoi or Sherborne or Brussels (although that took some adjusting). Our houses always felt unmistakably like our own.
I took this a bit for granted and never gave it much thought until the beginning of the pandemic when my mum got stranded in the UK and had to find herself a place to live. She found a sweet little spot in the Dorset countryside, and once she gave it a spruce and her furniture eventually arrived from storage, she really made it her own.
It took a while before I was able to get down there from London — lockdown and all — but when I walked through that front door, I was struck by the feeling that this was the same family home I’d lived in all my life. Not the physical building, obviously. We’ve been through a few of those! But the feeling.
Of course, one could say that family makes a house feel like home. And it does. But that’s not what I’m talking about here. What I think really made that little house I had never set foot in feel like home was the stuff. The Japanese plates mum had had since before I was born, the dining room table made by a family friend, the beds Zara and I had slept in since we were small. It was all there! And it all made me feel a comforting sense of familiarity.
I haven’t actually lived at my mum's place for a while now (apart from the year I did my master's), but I certainly feel like I have adopted her approach to making a space my own. Looking around my rented flat now, I am surrounded by all my little treasures — books I love, glasses I’ve picked up all over the place, and the dining chairs I spotted in the boot of some guy's car and saved from a trip to the tip.
I love this stuff. It’s mine. And every bit of it has its own little story. Without these things, this flat would just be a one-bed with a purple bedroom and bad curtains. But with it all, it’s my home! Belongings aren’t just belongings because they belong to you. They are belongings because they make you feel like you belong somewhere. And while I’d very much like to do something about those purple walls (the landlady said no, I already asked), having my little flea market side table and my nice bedsheets and cute lamp makes the purple not seem so purple anymore.
Of course, lugging your stuff around isn’t always realistic. A few of my friends have been moving across the world in the last year or so, and you can’t just pack everything you own into a suitcase. But maybe there are a few bits and pieces that can help you feel settled — a framed photo, a mug your friend made you. Little things like these can really make a difference, especially when you’re trying to make a home for yourself in a totally new place.
My friend Annie messaged me from Uganda the other day. She said:
I have this real stress around buying material things and making a home where I am as I'm always conscious that wherever I am, I always move after around a year, so I never really invest in things, which is silly.
And I understand her predicament. Moving is a pain, especially with lots of stuff. But, girl — you’re in Uganda! Surrounded by the most incredible craftspeople making the most beautiful things. If you don’t buy yourself a basket or three, I’ll come right over there and buy them for you! Because these things aren’t just things. They hold stories and memories and paint a picture of your life. They are tangible, touchable manifestations of your experiences that you can take with you wherever you go next as a reminder of where you have been.
As my Gran always says — home is where you hang your hat. So get hanging!
See you in the next one.
Annabel
P.S. I just wanted to add that if you are enjoying this newsletter or if you have any feedback, ideas, requests, etc, please let me know! You can either reply directly from your inbox, or you can write in the comments section on the Substack website or app. Also — please share it with friends!
Ok, that’s all! Byee!
❤️❤️❤️ as always
Loved it x