On the 10th of August, I turned 30 and got engaged. It was easily the best day of my entire life and the days since have been a slow and steady drift back down to earth with lots of time to think about it.
I started planning my birthday about a year ago, and in true Leo fashion figured that having 30 people down to my mum’s place in the Dordogne would be an appropriate way to celebrate — a plan that didn’t come without plumbing-related anxieties, but which did, in fact, end up completely perfect.
People started arriving on Thursday and were put to work pumping up mattresses and pitching tents, then rewarded with cold beer, wine from our neighbours, cheese from the market, and dips in the giant paddling pool we had set up under the birch trees.
Each morning started with pastries, fruit, eggs, and baguettes with lots of butter, and any last inklings of anxiety that I had felt before people arrived were totally dispelled by Saturday morning. By then, I had stopped worrying about everything being perfect, done a little meditation, and fully embraced being queen of the day.
It felt so special to bring friends from different corners of my life together and to see them all pile into the pool (swamp) and chat all afternoon. The sun was hot, the drinks were cold, and all there was to do was laugh, talk, and eat rotisserie chicken sandwiches.
The main event, I suppose you could call it, was the dinner on Saturday night. A few of us had been to the market earlier that day and we spent the latter part of the afternoon making tomato and nectarine salad, zucchini quiche, potato salad, and plating up cheese, bread, and tortilla de patata.
The sun dipped behind the house around 7:30, leaving the terrace in full shade. The table was set with white linen tablecloths and too few forks for the number of people, but the flowers Veronique arranged were the perfect distraction, and I don’t think anyone minded eating with a spoon instead.
As we sat down, Mum said a few beautiful words to get things started, and then Andy took up his spot on the front step, thanking Mum for having us all, thanking all our friends for making the journey, and then asking me to join him.
Andy and I have been together for 7 years now, and over those years we’ve grown and changed, been through ups, downs, and ups again, and most of all, we just haven’t stopped learning from each other.
He is the most reliable, man-of-his-word, walk-the-walk person I’ve ever met. He’s my constant supporter, always encouraging my improbable projects, and his love of “life admin” has made filing my taxes and setting up payroll seem less like insurmountable acts of tedium and more like small steps to an easeful life where all my shit is in order.
He is funny, adventurous, generous, thoughtful, considerate, and literally the most gorgeous human being I have ever clapped eyes on, and agreeing to be his wife was the easiest yes I’ve ever said.
Once everyone had hugged and kissed and stopped crying so much, we finally ate against the backdrop of a bright orange sky. People stood up throughout the meal to say loving things, then Robin DJ-ed in the barn and we danced till 5 am.
The good times continued to roll for two days afterwards, but I want to shift gears a bit now to when I got back to London last Wednesday and finally had time to sit down and think about things. Every year around my birthday — engagement or not — I like to reflect and look ahead, and this year the reflections had more of a life-long feel to them, so I thought I would share a few.
Good things come to those who talk
I mentioned before that Andy and my relationship has been through its ups and downs, like any normal couple. What I didn’t mention, though, was that we’ve always gotten through those pesky (often essential) downs by talking it out. This applies to literally any kind of relationship — lovers, friends, family, colleagues, neighbours!
Sometimes these conversations start from frustrations or disappointments. Sometimes from confusion, misunderstanding, or even anger. But by choosing to have the difficult conversation, to dredge through the mud, and listen deeply to what we each have to say (not always easy!), we have always managed to find ourselves on greener pastures, back in love again, and in many ways, a level up from where we were to begin with.
I would generally say that I’m pretty conflict-averse, but the more I think about it, the more value I see in facing things head-on and just having the damn chat. It’s so worth it, and you always feel better once you’re not stewing anymore.
A friendship shared is a friendship doubled
My friends are my greatest pride. They’re smart, kind, creative, caring, funny, silly, generous, honest, and unique. They are different from one another but always find common ground, and bringing them together — sharing them around, if you will — is one of my greatest pleasures.
People often hesitate to bring people from different areas of their lives into the same room but think of the conversations to be had and the new relationships that could come from it.
More and more, I see that life is about making connections, joining dots, and weaving threads together to create something richer and more rewarding than would be possible if all those threads were kept on their own little spools. So get weaving, if you know what I mean.
Calm down and enjoy yourself
I definitely wouldn’t call myself a perfectionist, but when it comes to hosting people, I like things the way I like them. My sister Jasmin and I call this being thing.
This isn’t a bad thing — everyone likes coming to a party and everything looking lovely — but it can also mean hyper-focusing on things that really do not matter. When you invite people over, they are usually just happy to be there, happy to help, and happy to use a spoon if there aren’t enough forks.
So instead of rushing around making sure that the gravel on the driveway looks tidy and that the pillows on the beds all match, you’re much better off snapping out of it and enjoying the good vibes. A lesson to apply to life in general, really.
Alright, that’s just about enough from me. The last thing I will say is that turning 30 feels scary before it happens, but now that I am here I can’t wait for more.
See you in the next one,
Annabel
Congrats Annabel.
So gorgeous! Congrats Annabel!